


A Very Bad Day

by DoctorBane



Category: due South
Genre: Crack, Gen, Some Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-07
Updated: 2012-09-07
Packaged: 2017-11-13 18:18:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/506341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorBane/pseuds/DoctorBane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray's day just keeps getting worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Very Bad Day

Ray was having a very bad day. Fraser had gone to a sports bar for the first time ever, and had invited, not Ray, but that weirdo Turnbull. Ray still hadn’t figured him out, he was either crazier than Fraser, or taking the piss out of America. As if that wasn’t unbearable enough, the Duck brothers were pissing everybody off with their horrible jokes. It had been going on for ten hellish minutes: “A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘glass of beer and a mop, please,’” guffawed Dewey. (Who laughs at their own jokes?) Before Ray had a chance to escape the horror Huey followed up with “An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar, and the barman says, ‘what is this, a joke?’”  
“NO!! “ Ray finally shouted. “It’s not a joke, its agony! It’s torture! Stop for the love of all that’s holy!”  
“Oh, they’re not that bad,” said Frannie. “Hey, Tom, Jack, you could use this one... did you hear the one about...”  
Ray said, “This means war,” and jumped up to kick someone in the head. It didn’t matter who.  
Lieutenant Welsh stuck his head round the door a split second before Ray committed GBH, which was just as well since Ray was already drowning in paperwork.  
“Vecchio! In my office now! You can play later!” Welsh said. Then he turned to the Duck brothers and said, “Oi, Laurel and Hardy, can the double act! And Miss Vecchio, don’t you have work to be doing? Or are you hastening toward the unemployment line?” Frannie rolled her eyes, and stalked off.  
***  
Ray went into Welsh’s office, thinking he was going to get chewed out for the tenth time that week. Instead, Welsh made a crappy day even crappier.  
“Isn’t your partner at a sports bar today?” Welsh asked, not as gruffly as usual, which could only mean one of two things. Either Welsh only had six months to live, or he’d had a religious epiphany. Ray wasn’t sure which one was scarier.  
“Yeah, he’s at the Maple Leaf with that moron Turnbull,” Ray sulkily replied. He couldn’t help being rude about it, he still felt left out.  
“Well there’s a disturbance down there. Get your ass over there and see what your lunatic friend is doing,” Welsh ordered.  
***  
As Ray was driving to the scene of the disturbance in his GTO, he kept honking the horn, and swearing at the other drivers. Ray thought, “At least Fraser isn’t with me, he’d be very calm and polite and snippy about my choice of language. However, if he was in the car, I wouldn’t be in this foul temper. I’d be in another foul temper!”  
***  
Ray knew there was something seriously wrong when he saw that the bar was on fire, and a pool table came flying out the window.  
“Ho. Lee. Shit.” Ray said. He looked around for Fraser, and saw someone in a red uniform. For a moment, Ray thought it was Fraser, then he realised it was Turnbull. He was trying to control the crowds, with little success. At least they were running away from the fire, but poor Turnbull was in danger of being trampled.  
“Turnbull, where the hell’s Fraser?” Ray shouted.  
“He’s still in the bar!” Turnbull shouted.  
Of course he was. Ray went in, because he always went in after the freak.  
“Fraser! Fraser!” Ray yelled. Then a shredded red Mountie jacket flew through the air, followed by a huge green monster that looked like Shrek’s evil twin.  
“Fuuuu......”. Ray couldn’t even get his curse out. Evil Shrek had probably eaten Fraser for lunch. Now he was coming for some Crème BruRay. But the big green fellah surprised him by saying “Ray?” He sounded strangely familiar. Then Ray noticed that he was wearing Fraser’s trousers, but the pumpkin pants weren’t as baggy as usual. Then, for reasons that don’t need explaining at this juncture, the green guy started to shrink. Before Ray knew it, there was not a big green bogeyman standing in front of him, but Fraser, looking very embarrassed.  
“Fraser?” Ray asked. Fraser looked down at what remained of his uniform, and went “Oh dear...”  
***  
Later, after they filled out their dishonest report, Ray asked Fraser what really happened.  
“Well, these two American gentlemen walked into the bar...” Fraser began, and Ray thought, “Not another fucking joke!” Fraser continued, “Turnbull and I were watching the curling...” Ray suddenly didn’t feel so bad about not being invited. His friend did know, after all, that Ray enjoyed curling about as much as Fraser enjoyed Frannie coming on to him. “Unfortunately, the two Americans started to laugh at our national sport.”  
“What’s that got to do with you turning into tall, green and ugly?” Ray inquired.  
“Well, Ray, I’m not this polite for fun, you know. It would appear that anger triggers my metamorphosis. I have to work very hard not to lose my temper,” Fraser replied. “Oh, I’m afraid you offended Turnbull one time when I wasn’t there. Count yourself lucky I didn’t hear you call curling housework on ice.” Ray gulped.  
***  
Later, in the bullpen Fraser was doing his insane typing when he overheard Huey and Dewey starting their jokes again.  
“Hey everyone, did you hear the one about the Canadian curling team........”  
“Uh oh!” thought Ray.  
Fraser’s eyes turned green.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first DS fic. Be kind!


End file.
